Talking to Loved Ones About What Really Matters

"The Holidays" can mean travel, excitement, gathering together with those you love, stress, conflict, and any or all of these things.

We wish you the happiest of holidays! We also urge you to take the time this holiday season to talk with those you love about what's truly important to you, and what's important for them to know. Make sure you tell them that you love them. Make sure you tell them about your estate plan, about where they can find your important legal and financial documents in an emergency, and who your important advisors are (e.g. estate planning attorney, financial advisor, accountant.) We understand that these conversations with family members can be difficult to start. But they are important. Talk to those you love about the legal, financial and healthcare decisions you have made, and take the time, while you still can, to explain your choices.

A DocuBank membership can help you get started. You can send a quick, pre-written e-mail to your child or other loved ones from the DocuBank website to let them know that you have healthcare directives and a DocuBank card. This is one way to initiate a conversation about your healthcare choices. When you see your loved ones over the holidays, you can continue the discussion by giving copies of your directives to those loved ones whom you have selected as your healthcare power(s) of attorney. To send this "get-started" e-mail, simply log in to your DocuBank membership at www.docubank.com and click on the "Family Notification" tab on the left side of the screen.

Talking about your healthcare directives can also be a good lead-in to talking about your other personal and financial choices with those you love. It's important -- for you and for them. Take this step to ensure that everyone knows what you want while you can still answer questions and provide feedback. And then eat a lot, have a wonderful time, and enjoy your holiday!

Avoiding the Scary Side of Healthcare

It’s 8:00 p.m., and the pain in your chest is still there. You finally admit to your loved one that maybe it’s time to got to the hospital. You can see their worry as they grab the car keys and hurry you out the door to the emergency room…

Let’s face it, going to the hospital can be a little frightening. But there are ways to prepare yourself and your loved ones. A little bit of preparation can make the experience better for everyone: you, your family, and the hospital staff.

1. Make sure that your healthcare power of attorney is up-to-date. This document names the person (or persons) you would like to make medical decisions for you if you can’t do so. Review this document periodically to make sure your choice(s) is still valid.

2. Review your Living Will. This document states your desires regarding treatments you would (or would not) want to receive in the hospital if you cannot make these decisions yourself. Your living will is an important resource for your healthcare power of attorney should he or she need to make decisions about your care.

3. Make your decision about organ donation and document it. If you would like to donate your organs at the time of your passing, make that decision now and put it in writing. One organ donor can save up to eight (8) lives, and the need far exceeds the supply.

4. Talk to your loved ones about your healthcare choices: who you’ve named as your healthcare power of attorney, what your medical wishes are, and whether you want to be an organ donor. The more they know in advance, the easier it will be for them if they ever have to step in.

5. Carry your DocuBank wallet card. Our firm provides this card because we know that immediate access to your emergency information and healthcare directives is important. Make sure that your card is next to your driver’s license in your wallet at all times.

6. Update the emergency information you store with DocuBank. This includes your allergies and medical conditions that display on your Emergency Card and can help with your emergency treatment. Also update your doctor’s and emergency contacts’ names and phone numbers.

At the hospital, the E.R. staff ask you many questions. One of them is whether you have a living will or other healthcare directive (they may call it an “advance directive”). You or your loved one presents your DocuBank card. Hospital staff can make immediate note of the allergies and medical conditions on your card. They then use the card to obtain your directives, adding them to your chart immediately. There is no fuss about where your living will is or who should go back home to get it. Your card takes the stress of you and your family when the focus should be on your health, not your healthcare directives. The doctor comes in and you start to relax a little…

In The News: Sun Lakes Splash: Is Your Estate Plan Working for You?

Here's my most recent article in the Sun Lakes Splash, entitled "Is Your Estate Plan Working for You?" If you'd like to check it out, you can find it here, and by going to page 38.

The Importance of Personalized Advanced Directives

"Legal documents that express our wishes are not enough to prepare us for our final days. We must talk honestly with our loved ones, our clergy and our doctors and nurses about the choices we would make if confronted with a chronic or terminal illness." -- Rosalynn Carter

Advanced Directives, also known as Medical Directives or Healthcare Directives, are an important piece of the estate planning puzzle. There are different types of Advanced Directives, including the following: Healthcare (Medical) Power of Attorney, Living Will, and Mental Healthcare Power of Attorney. Each of these Advanced Directives allow you to give instructions about your healthcare--what you want done or not done--if you can't speak for yourself. Each state has its own laws regarding Advanced Directives and the formalities that need to be followed for your wishes to become effective.

Many people may be tempted to just fill out a form without taking the time to thoroughly think about the decisions they are making and discussing those decisions with their families. Unfortunately, this can lead to family discourse, which could also lead to your wishes not being followed.

Any form you decide to use should be personalized to reflect your individual values, priorities and wishes. If you don't agree with the language in a standard form, change it. Make sure that any directive you sign truly reflects your specific wishes.

So, before you prepare your Advanced Directives, it is important to spend some time considering the following:

1. Who should speak for me?

2. What makes my life worth living?

3. What are my personal and spiritual beliefs?

4. What is the hope for recovery?

5. What are the pros and cons of treatment for different chances of recovery?

You may also wish to take the time to explore your choices about death and dying, such as:

1. How would I like to spend my last days?

2. What are my feeling regarding organ donation and autopsy?

3. Burial arrangements

4. Funeral or memorial services

Because each of us are individuals, every one of us would have different answers to these questions. A colleague recently shared a wonderful tool for helping clients prepare personalized directives, called "Your Life, Your Choices." You can find the workbook here.

While having any kind of Advanced Directive may be helpful, you will have much greater peace of mind if you express your wishes to your family and friends in advance. While talking to your family and friends about your healthcare wishes will probably be uncomfortable, your clear guidance will be a meaningful gift if they are ever forced to make life and death decisions for you in the future. For ideas about how to start the conversation, click here.

Additionally,

To learn more about Advanced Directives in Arizona and Missouri, follow the links below.

Arizona Advanced Directives

Missouri Advanced Directives

Is Your Family Prepared for an Unexpected Tragedy?

Last night, I was checking CNN and read this article about Tom Murphy, a Sprint executive who was returning to Kansas City from a vacation with his family when a boulder fell from a cliff onto his car. Tragically, the boulder hit this man and knocked him unconscious. His wife struggled for over a mile to stop the car from the passenger seat. Upon arrival at the hospital, Mr. Murphy was pronounced dead. Sgt. Rich Armstrong of the Colorado State Patrol, said that while falling boulders are common, fatalities are rare. He has also been quoted as saying that just another half a second and Mr. Murphy wouldn't have been injured.

My heart stopped when I read this story. I don't know Tom Murphy or his family, but I cannot keep my heart from going out to them. What an awful thing for the Murphys' three sons to have to witness. I also can't keep from thinking about what would have happened if Mrs. Murphy had also been seriously injured.

If Mrs. Murphy had been injured to the point where she wasn't able to make decisions about her own medical treatment, the hospital would begin to search for someone with the authority to make decisions for her.

Mr. Murphy had already died, so, unfortunately, the hospital couldn't speak with him. And the Murphy's three children, who were in the accident with them, would not be able to make decisions for their mother because they are all minors.

The hospital would ask the kids if they have any grandparents or relatives they can call. If the hospital is able to get in touch with Mrs. Murphy's next of kin, let's say her sister, the next step would be trying to find out if she had a valid Healthcare Power of Attorney and Living Will in place.

What if the sister didn't know whether Mrs. Murphy had executed these important documents? What if the sister thinks Mrs. Murphy has these documents, but the sister doesn't know where to find them or how to access them? All the while, Mrs. Murphy is being treated in the hospital, but it is becoming increasingly clear that she will never recover from her injuries.

If the hospital only had a copy of these documents, they could determine what Mrs. Murphy's wishes were and proceed accordingly. If Mrs. Murphy had been carrying an emergency information card in her wallet or car from a service such as DocuBank, the hospital could have contacted DocuBank to request copies of Mrs. Murphy's healthcare directives be sent immediately to the hospital.

Instead, let's say that Mrs. Murphy did not have the actual directives in the car, nor did she have a DocuBank card in her wallet. Mrs. Murphy's sister is frantically searching the Murphy's Kansas City home for the directives, while facing the tragic and untimely loss of her brother-in-law and sister. She is also extremely concerned about her nephews, and desperately needs to get to Colorado to care for and comfort them.

The sister can't find any directives, so she heads to Colorado.

Mrs. Murphy and her sister are very close. About three months ago, they had a very deep conversation regarding their lives, and what they would want to have happen if they were in a terrible accident and were not likely to live. Mrs. Murphy stated emphatically that she did not want “stay hooked up to machines” and that she didn’t want to “be a vegetable.”

But, what do these things really mean? What is a “vegetable?” Does it mean a time when you can’t take care of yourself? A time when your brain’s not working but your body is being kept alive by machines? A time when you sit in a chair and don’t do anything all day? Or, when you’re just a body with some life in it?

Unfortunately, Mrs. Murphy never put her wishes and directions to her loved ones in a legal writing, which she then shared with her family and close friends.

The sister breaks down when she sees Mrs. Murphy in the hospital. She recalls the conversation she and Mrs. Murphy had three months ago, but now feels that Mrs. Murphy would have changed her mind since her husband is now gone. The sister feels that Mrs. Murphy would have wanted to continue fighting no matter what in order to be with her kids.

What the sister doesn’t know is that Mr. and Mrs. Murphy had already talked about all these things. They had even talked to an attorney before they went on vacation about preparing their estate plan, including healthcare directives, but decided not to move forward because of the cost—after all, they had lost a lot of money in the stock market this past year and things had been tough financially even though Mr. Murphy had a good job. Instead, they made some notes in a notebook at their house and tucked it away in a drawer, all the while believing that if something would happen to one of them, the other would know what to do.

………………………………..

If you have not taken the time to execute healthcare directives, don’t wait. There is no time like the present. You never know what life is going to throw at you today, tomorrow, or next week.

Take the time to prepare personalized directives and instructions to your healthcare agents, so your wishes will be known and followed, rather than just filling out some form. You may even wish to write a letter to your loved ones, or make an audio or video tape, to share your thoughts and feelings about what is most important to you.

Whatever you do, please make sure your family is prepared.

In The News: Sun Lakes Splash

I recently had my first article published in the Sun Lakes Splash, a monthly newspaper distributed to residents of Sun Lakes, Arizona. If you'd like to check it out, you can find it here, and by going to page 31.

"Rethink Your Legacy" (from Money Magazine)

I recently read a pretty good article in Money Magazine titled "Rethink Your Legacy." I share a number of the same ideas included in the article, and thought it may be of some interest to all of you! To read the article, click HERE.